


As I Turn Another Page in My Biography

by somanygalaxies



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Gen, Hopeful Ending, and i love picking characters apart psychologically, i have Thoughts on the aftermath of rots, i like to think obi got to keep all the padawan braids, its basically a character reflection folks, man deserves to have something, no beta we die like covid relief bills, theres no real plot but lots of thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28006362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanygalaxies/pseuds/somanygalaxies
Summary: (All the Mysteries Begin to Fall in Place)It has been years since the fallout on Mustafar, but Obi-Wan still has all the time in the world to reflect on how exactly he got to this point in his life and how to go forward.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Luke Skywalker
Kudos: 4





	As I Turn Another Page in My Biography

Exile on the desert planet of his nightmares isn’t exactly how Obi-Wan imagined spending his days. Sand permeated the air around him so wholly that he wasn’t sure his lungs or skin would ever be free again. In all honesty, he used to tease Anakin for his irrational hatred of sand, but Obi-Wan was beginning to develop a deep understanding of his endless, bitter distaste.

Anakin, oh that was a topic he would rather not touch with a ten foot pole, but it was one that attached itself to his mind like glue. Each reminder brought a deep pang to his heart and threatened to destroy his ability to function. So, of course, it was ever prevalent throughout his meager days.

It didn’t help that the boy he watched from a distance looked _so much_ like his wayward padawan. With every year Luke grew, the boy became more and more of a reflection of his father. And it _hurt_.

He held that same sparkling admiration in his bright blue eyes that was so reminiscent of Anakin’s own in his adolescence. A look that spoke wonders. A gaze that expressed implicit trust in the infallible nature of an adult. Something Obi-Wan really, _really_ should have registered the repercussions of well over a decade ago.

Anakin didn’t trust him when first under his care. Well, in all fairness, he didn’t trust anyone but Qui-Gon, especially after he died. That slowly faded and was replaced when he put Obi-Wan on the same pedestal as Qui-Gon. Then, Anakin was all bright eyes, idolization, and firm in his complete belief of Obi-Wan’s infallibility. 

As their relationship formed, little Anakin believed whole-heartedly in Obi-Wan’s ability to do no wrong. He was terribly resistant to the idea his master could have any fault. This was a flag Obi-Wan found too easy to ignore in his desperate attempt to keep Anakin happy, and one he reflected back on with animosity.

As he grew, Anakin began to notice the cracks in his perception of Obi-Wan, and, due to Obi-Wan’s own inability to shake this idolization earlier, brewed a bitter sense of betrayal within his apprentice. The foundation of their relationship morphed into one seeded with resentment and mistrust. Anakin never truly trusted him the same way again, and Obi-Wan pretended to not notice, or be hurt, when his place as Anakin's confidant dissolved.

He wouldn’t go down the same path with Luke.

With a heavy sigh, he began to brew a pot of tea with his limited water supply.

Yes, he would keep his distance from the boy. He couldn’t make the same mistakes he made with Anakin, and if that meant not being an integral part of Luke’s life, then he would. Regardless of the pain it would personally cost Obi-Wan along the way. 

He pondered training the boy. Owen would probably be against it, and Obi-Wan really couldn’t fault him with that. Jedi training was dangerous as it was. Combined with the new, deadly nature of a jedi status, he really did not want to put Luke at such a risk.

He would have to, eventually, he knew. Luke was a shining new hope for the galaxy at large. Refusing to train him would have galactic consequences, and it only fueled him with uncertainty. He knew where he went wrong with Anakin, but he’s not quite sure of everything. And he could not mess up again. He just couldn’t lose another son-figure.

Obi-Wan bit his lip, poured his tea into a small, mostly sand free cup, and glanced back to the small box he left on the small kitchen nook. The padawan braids and sabers within always brought pinching tears to his eyes, but it was a sight that he sought often.

It was a reminder of happy memories now tinged with grief and depression. It was a reminder that his past was, in fact, real. It was a reminder of where exactly his life has led and how to look forward. If not with confidence, then at least with hope.

He knows many of the places where he went wrong with Anakin. He recognizes that there are a handful of things that are of no fault of his own. But, he can’t help the nagging at the back of his brain that he is overlooking some of his own key mistakes. Mistakes he wants to process and heal from before he tries to begin Luke’s training.

Obi-Wan brushed a finger over Anakin’s padawan braid that Padme had given to him a few years back. There was always such a weight on his padawan’s shoulders. The title of Chosen One was significant and held great weight, and it was one no youngling should be subject to. He could only imagine the stress and turmoil it caused a young boy who was desperate to please and strived for perfection and made very _human_ mistakes. 

There was almost nothing he wouldn’t give to go back and spare Anakin that responsibility. For now, he could protect Luke from the same fate. He would one day be the hope, the saving grace of the galaxy, but, currently, he was but a boy. A boy with tiny shoulders that didn’t need - couldn’t hold - the weight. Obi-Wan wouldn’t force it on him for as long as he could.

Luke deserved the childhood Obi-Wan could never give Anakin. He deserved to give into his wildest desires to explore the galaxy, safe and happy. He deserved to know his family, his history, all the people who would have _adored_ him and his sister.

He couldn’t offer the big adventure. He couldn’t offer a safe place to explore his force abilities. He couldn’t even offer the boy the history of his ancestry. But, he could offer protection, wild, out of context stories, and a listening ear.

Obi-Wan would become everything he could not give Anakin within the confines of his exile. He couldn’t be everything he wanted to be for the boy, with the galaxy in turmoil, but he could work around it. And, Luke always had Owen and Beru to fill in for what he could not.

Finishing his cup, Obi-Wan moved to refill, gazing out at the twin-suns penetrating the horizon.

It was fitting that he spent his days on a planet of twin, blazing suns. It was so much like the two bright lights he desperately, continuously tries to obscure from prying eyes. He finds comfort in the fact Bail and his political position can give Leia the safety, security, and home he is unable to produce himself.

It's selfish, Obi-Wan must admit, that he dedicates much of his time and energy towards Luke. Leia holds the same shining potential as her brother. Just as powerful and just as deserving. It’s utterly selfish.

Luke just looks so much like his late father that Obi-Wan cannot help the intense desire to do right by Anakin through his son. To raise and train Luke the way Anakin should have been. He looks at the boy, and he just cannot help but want to see him become what Anakin could have been.

It's unfair, really. Luke was his own person, and his personality is already shining characteristically different from Anakin. He’s just as excitable, but his demeanor is much calmer than Anakin had ever managed. His compassion is strong, but he has a bite to him when it counts. His kindness outranks his budding sense of justice.

Luke is so much like his father, but he is so much different.

Shuffling the box back together, Obi-Wan puts his possessions in a safe place, cleans his pot, and sets out to properly start the day.

He can only hope that the future will be brighter this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow, I haven't written fic in years, much less on ao3. Gotta love quarantine for re-igniting old interests. I really love picking apart characters, so this was quite a bit of fun.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed! ❤


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